Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I Can't Take Anymore Bad News!
Today was kind of a downer. I went in for more blood work and my first ultra sound since starting the stimulation medications. My estrogen level went from 200 on Monday to 700 today, which is not that great of a thing, since I only have 1 measurable follicle. The estrogen level should rise more consistently with the increase in follicle sizes. So, there's maybe a 50/50 chance that this cycle will be cancelled, or in the words of the nurse practitioner, "it could go either way." I go back in for another ultra sound tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday!! They're watching me very closely to make sure I don't go into over hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable today, but the nurse practitioner said that may be a good sign (as in, maybe I'm "bloaty" because my follicles are growing). AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgh! Why does this process have to be so incredibly hard for me and so easy for others?! Just another example of how unfair life is. I look at all the parents in my neighborhood, community, city, country that have children that they neglect, abuse, or just flat out don't appreciate and wonder how they got to have kids and I can't? And, not just that they get to have kids, but they got to have kids without the year of trying tons of medications, constant anxiety and hope, and then disappointment over and over again, in addition to all of the crazy amounts of money spent (since insurance doesn't cover anything), shooting yourself up with tons of shots, being prodded and poked constantly, all for more disappointment. I'm so ready for something to work out for me and for some happy, hopeful news. I just want to even have a chance to hope to be pregnant.